First of all, if you’ve come to this page thinking you might learn how to use Twitter, I’m sorry to disappoint you. This guide is designed for those who are already using this truly revolutionary social networking tool but who may not being doing so the right way (and there is a right way.)

You can find much better info on how to get started with Twitter by asking the Google. Here are a few of the better resources that I’ve found:

Stephanie’s Twitter:  New User’s Guide

Katherine Boehret’s Birds of a Feather

Simply put, twitter is a micro-blogging tool that functions similar to an instant messaging service. In essence, it’s text messaging via the internet. The big difference is that Twitter limits you to 140 characters (not words) for each post you broadcast. That’s great because it forces you to really think about what you’re saying and how you are saying it. That’s also precisely the reason many folks have a hard time using Twitter the right way. They’ve never had limits imposed upon them before and can’t handle not being able to ramble for pages about the brambleberry pie that aunt Edith made for little Johnny’s fifth birthday party at the camp out by the lake when the sun was shining and the goats. . . . You get the picture.

So, now that you know what Twitter is, go to the links I posted above and learn how to use it. It’s easy, I promise. After that, come back and see me and I’ll teach you how to get the most out of your Twitter experience.

Five Simple Rules

They’re not rules—not really. Twitter doesn’t have very many rules and that’s the great part about it. Think of my “Rules” (Robert’s my name) as suggestions. However, if you want people to take you seriously, Follow you when you Follow them (important for your Twitter Ratio—more on that in a bit), and take the time to get to know you and introduce you to their friends you have to know what you’re expected to do as a good Twiitterphyte and, more importantly, what you’re expected not to do.

 “Robert’s Rule” #1: Be selective about who you choose to follow

When you first step into the Twitterverse, you’re going to be confronted by a whole bunch of strange folks speaking interesting languages (TwitterSpeak) and you’re going to want to follow as many as you can.  After all, you’ve probably heard that if you follow them, they will follow you because to not do so is rude, right?  Well there’s a whole bunch of rude people out there and if you just start following random folks (maybe because you like their profile pic or whatever) you’re just going to come across as creepy and as a bit of a stalker.  That’s never good. 

No matter how you try to hide your dark, voyeuristic tendencies, everybody will know because Twitter prominently displays your Twitter Ratio.  Well not really—but it does display the number of people you are following and the number of people following you.  You want those two numbers to be at least as close as possible, if not biased in your favor (more people Following you than you are Following.)  Why?  Because the more people you have Following you shows others just how fun and interesting or informative you are.  And you’re such an interesting fellow, aren’t you–sorry ma’am.  I didn’t see you there . . . with the mustache.

So how do you choose who to follow?  Search for people who share the same interests as you do.  Start with folks you know who may be already on immersed in the Twitterverse and branch out from there.  Once you have a couple of folks to follow, take a look at who is following them.  Poke around, be nosey, check out their profiles and their past Tweets (another term you should already know if you’re reading this guide.)  If what they have to say looks interesting, follow them as well.

A few tips:

1)      Avoid spammers.  These are folks that post nothing but links to their own material, endless streams of nonsensical conversation snippets, or just love to post what they ate for breakfast, where they ate it, and what they were wearing at the time.  (You laugh now but you’ll see that people really do that!)

2)      Avoid inappropriate content (unless that’s what you’re looking for—wink, wink.)  Just like any service on the internet, Twitter can be used for good as well as “evil.”  There are those in the Twitterverse who post adult links, curse like sailors, and have very “un-diverse” opinions.  Twitter is a great cross section of America so you should expect to find anything you’re liable to run across on a big city street.  Feel free to follow that content if you want (I’m not here to judge) but keep in mind that other folks can see who you’re following.  It might be useful to pass up the spicier side of Twitter if you’re using it at work, in a house with children present, or in Church—just saying.  (You can always create a second account for that.)

3)      You can always un-follow anybody.  If, after a few days, hours, or minutes, you realize you’ve made a mistake by following Jane Doe on Twitter because all she does is give you a play-by-play of her day right down to how “funny” her corn flakes tasted this morning, you can always stop following her just as easily.  So feel free to experiment:  Follow some folks for a while; if you like what you’re seeing keep on doing it.  If not, there’s always that handy little “remove” button.

 “Robert’s Rule” #2: Getting People to Follow You is Easy

It sounds a lot harder than it actually is.  Some folks will even follow you just because you’re on Twitter—you don’t even have to have Tweeted anything.  These folks are usually just looking to boost their Twitter Ratio but some are just plain friendly and outgoing. 

The best way to earn followers is to provide them with valuable content (whatever that may be.)  Think of Twitter as one long, uninterrupted conversation between a several thousand folks all at once.  Just start talking, or in this case Twittering.  Offer your opinion on the latest blockbuster, share a link to your favorite Key Lime Pie recipe, link to your Flikr or PhotoBucket albums.  Put what you have to offer out there and I guarantee that somebody is going to want to listen to what you have to say.  Hard to believe right, but how else do you think all of those Jane Does I mentioned above got all of their Followers.  

Also, the number of people Following you will grow as those Followers introduce you (directly or indirectly) to the folks who are following them.  It sounds kind of creepy, a little viral, and maybe just a tad disturbing but it’s true.  TwitterFolk love to Follow.

You could also resort to the old I follow you, you follow me routine but if you’re not selective you’ll end up following a bunch of spammers or getting lost and eventually forgotten in somebody’s gaggle of Followers.  Whatever you do, do not ask to be Followed.  It’s a little childish, a little desperate, and generally won’t get you anywhere—like asking a cheerleader out to a Star Trek movie while you’re wearing your Spock ears.

 “Robert’s Rule” #3: 140 Characters is All You Get

Yup, that’s it. If you can’t say what you want to say in 140 characters or less you should probably try saying it somewhere else. Twitter is like a condensed version of email for the MTV generation—short, sickly sweet, and easy to digest when you can’t sit still for more than thirty seconds.

So think about what you want to say (think really hard) and ask:

1) Do I need to say this?

2) How can I say this in the most succinct fashion possible?

3) Does the English language really need vowels?

For excellent tips on how to condense your Tweets the right way visit Grammar Girl’s Strunk & Twite: An Unofficial Twitter Style Guide

On the up side, the character limit keeps every Twitter user on task—for the most part.  Most of them know enough to get right to the point rather than lollygag. 

Unfortunately, the limitation also makes it a bit hard to follow conversations, especially between two or more people.  The individual posts are usually pretty clear but without the context, they make no sense.

You should also always try to avoid splitting a single “idea” between two Tweets.  It’s just bad form.

 “Robert’s Rule” #4: Tweet How Thou Wouldst Be Tweeted

I know that’s the third time I’ve blatantly ripped off a literary work in this guide but if the shoe fits, why fix it—or something like that.

Here are a few things every Twitterphyte should know:

1)      Twitter is a conversation not a one-sided soliloquy—so converse!

2)      Don’t spam–no constant stream of links (I Follow one fellow, though I don’t know why, who posts the same link every day, multiple times a day—like anybody is going to fall for that trick the second time)

3)      Don’t be selfish—the internet has a ton of stuff to offer so share the spotlight.  I know you think you’re the most important person in the world (and you are—no really) but it’s nice to let other people think they’re important too.

4)      Vary your content—throw some links in, photos, jokes, rants, raves, and reggae anything you think other people might be interested in.  It makes your Twitter stream more fun to follow and will connect you with more people who are also fun to Follow.

5)      Tweets are Permanent—okay so they aren’t really.  You can delete them but once you’ve posted them there’s no telling who has seen them or what they’ve done with them.  Always Tweet responsibly and remember that you sometimes say things you end up regretting in “Real Life.”  The Twitterverse is no different.

6)      Don’t be a bully—Twitter should be a forum of free expression and open thought.  It should never be used as a tool for hatred or violence.  Keep your nasty thoughts to yourself.

To Tweet, or Not to Tweet . . .

You should commit to Tweeting on a regular basis.  Whether that’s once a day, once a week, or once every ten minutes it makes it easier for people to follow you, makes you seem more interesting, and your overall Twitter experience will be much more fun.  Plus, you make yourself a little creepy if you don’t Tweet at all.  I actually saw a profile that over 1,000 followers and they had only ever Tweeted twice—that was just freaky!

On the other hand, don’t Tweet until you’re blue in the face.  Give people time to digest what you’ve just posted before blasting them again.  Twitter is not really an instant messaging service (though it does send messages instantly.)  Try not to carry on long, drawn out diatribes.  Not everybody wants to hear what you and your buddies are Tweeting about.  Think about it, you don’t like listening to other people’s phone conversations when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store, do you?  Especially not if what they’re talking about is something boring like Charlotte’s purple dress that she wore to her second cousin’s housewarming party.  It’s better to use the direct message function for those personal conversations.

Goodnight and Good Luck

Sorry, I just couldn’t resist throwing in another pop culture reference there. 

I hope you’ve found this little Twittiquette guide enjoyable, informational, and just an absolute blast.  If you haven’t you can just mosey on along before things get nasty.  Seriously though, with a little forethought and preparation anybody can have a wonderfully enriching experience tripping the Twitterverse.  The best way to get started is to just dive in and have some fun.

For more about me, your author and Twitterverse Guide extraordinaire:  www.therealrobertpalmer.com